Sometimes, the absolute legends in the Armed Forces of Ukraine and their booster clubs are so funny that we almost forget they’re actually, at every moment, at war.
And that was the case today when Reddit user GermanDronePilot on r/UkraineWarVideoReport shared the video of a Ukrainian pouring ball bearings into the casing for a “shaped” charge. But the shape of the object is, well, not what you would typically expect.
Or maybe you knew it would come to this eventually.
The origin of the ‘Dildo of Consequences’
In case anyone who didn’t know is incredibly confused at the moment, there’s an old internet saying: “The Dildo of Consequences rarely arrives lubed.” And it is an apt expression. Except the lube probably wouldn’t help in this case, even if it did arrive lubed. Anyone who gets this inside of them, becomes urgent surgical in a single thrust.
Even worse if the explosives are present.
Typically, explosives are either formed to fit snugly in a tight space (think of hand grenades or most mines) or else they’re shaped charges, where a specific cavity is left open so that the explosive power is directed out of the cavity. But someone fighting in Ukraine got the idea to make a charge shaped like a massive penis. And we applaud them.
The video, embedded below, shows someone handling a hollow dildo, and that sucker is at least a two-hander. The video is purportedly from Ukraine, and the Ukrainian (or volunteer) is filling a hollow wall within our phallic friend with hundreds of tiny ball bearings before screwing it as hard as they can. They leave a center cavity open, likely for a frontline soldier to fill with explosives just before they load the novelty weapon.
Many Ukrainian First-Person View (FPV) drones and their payloads are assembled on the frontlines from modular components, and each drone and its payload are carefully selected according to mission needs.
Getting It In
It’s impossible to say what mission requires such a powerful 10 inches, though. Even New Jersey bachelorette parties typically have less explosive power than this gag gift. It’s like a Bangalore torpedo took little blue pills. But the cavity in the Big, Bold Chuck is large enough to fit a couple of pounds of explosive, so the whole thing is essentially a large, phallic Claymore mine.
Of course, the rubber layer on the outside of the Dildo of Consequences will absorb the explosion and might make it feel less raw for the participants, but most doctors say that’s a good thing that can prevent Statistically Terrifying Damage to whoever receives this gift.
by u/GermanDronePilot in UkraineWarVideoReport
This drone payload definitely deserves to make military history, like that time a Navy commander dropped a toilet on North Vietnam.
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